Blame you?

There is silence around me
Then why lot of noise inside?
My heart screams loud
But I try not to hear the sound

The thought of my past
Freshens up my pain
Where I denied the charge
& refused to take blame

It was some battle
I thought I was winning
When I did some inner tattle
My heart was mourning

It was then that I knew…
The feeling of love that we once shared
And the dreams that we really cared
Disappeared….

See, I just felt the pain again..

And there is again a silence around me
But now I know why a lot of noise inside….

The magic..

Today when you looked at me….
I looked away;
You noticed the pain..
That went thru my way;
The tear from my eye..
You took it in your hand;
And those sparkling eyes..
Did the magic again….
See…….,
I am longing for you again…

Me

My thoughts r varied
n beliefs speckled….
The good ‘Me’ inside doesn’t let me ‘Be me’
The bad ‘Me’ pushes me to ‘Be me’
What do I do…..Where do I go
Will someone plz show…
‘Me’ the path of life
The life I live, is mine….
But does it really belong to Me….??
What I portray to the world...is not ‘Me’
Is ‘Me’ insane??
I wonder…..
‘Me’ is tempting…‘Me’ is strong…
‘Me’ guides me the path
I don’t know if that is wrong
I follow where Me takes me….
Where does it lead….Where do we go..
Don’t ask me questions….coz the answers I don’t know
Will ‘Me’ be like this
Or will ‘Me’ become a good Me too…
Like my other ‘Me(s).’

Madness

I looked here n I looked there
Dere were questions unanswered
N my world was a closed sphere
I kept finding something all this while
Failing so many times made me cry....
It pained so much that my emotions went dry
N then u came in my life
I stood dere confused
n I looked at u...
and asked if God sent u.....
n u smiled...
Curiosity building
Heart shaking
I stood dere unmoving
U held me close
N
Breathlessness was all around
You brought wid u
My reasons to smile
Ur presence everywhere
Made my world go round
And even madness appeared sound….

Am I moving

I am moving
Yet unmoved….
Bright sun saddens me
Rainy day bring tears
I feel lovelorn
With so many ppl near

I keep looking for a reason
Which makes me sad
If I ever find a reason
I will be glad….

In pursuit of happiness, I am letting this life go
Even things that connect, I let them all go….

I feel unconnected
And there is some unrest
A quest, a wanting
Why?
I keep thinking….
And this thought doesn’t let me move…

Though I am still moving
But yet unmoved….!!

Rules of Life

All these years we were taught...
“be good to life n life will be good to u…”
Now that I learnt to follow.....
Rules of the game changed…
It is so strange..
But now they all say
Just being good….
Not enough...
No one ask me my thoughts, my likings....
N like everyone else…Why can’t I dare….!!
Well…no one cares....
I stopped thinking good or bad
And tried controlling my expectations….
But I cant even recall since when
my thoughts are troubled
N scattered everywhere…
I have waited hard to get used to life
N even thought things are working fine
But lately life is troubling me again
It expects me to look at the things I ignored all this while
Life pushes me to smile…
I am trying once again
Looks like I have forgotten long back
The ease of life…which I felt once…
No worries no pains
All that I wanted was to play a fair game…
Life isn’t fair
N nt fair are the times we r born in
So being a part…I realize it now
Its nt just nw bt
Whenever u claim to learn the game of life..
Rules will change….

Those eyes

I look in your eyes…
They ask me questions
When I look away
Your questions follow my way
We were alone
And we were away
We thought we were happy
Till destiny joined our way
I realize what I missed all this while
It was your smile
It was your smile
U assured there is nothing to fear
Nothing can harm us till we are near
You held my hand and moved my soul
All wounds big or small,
Which I carried through time, you healed it all
And I found that magic which I lost back in me
When I looked at you
In your eyes!!!

Your presence

Your presence in my life helped me realize
Value of ppl I ignored all this while
I considered them 4 granted
And never reciprocated
The love dat was bestowed on me by them….
I fought, I lied, I cried a lot
I wanted to be away and be never caught

Your coming in my life made this difference
Look I crossed the road and covered the distance
I reached where I was destined to
And I felt happy n contented too
Your presence in my life helped me realize
Value of ppl I ignored all this while.

Where Life Lived

I tried hard to unlit that spark
And move with the wind…
Motionless….directionless…
But someone pushed me where life lived
Someone sent me the message….
That life hasn’t ended n didn’t let me loose…
I allowed darkness to engulf me
But something kept protecting me
And pushed me where life lived ….
Back again…
When I felt lonely
N helplessness was all around
I found u standing there
Looking at me wid those bright eyes
Which told me that u have come for me
To stay wid me 4 life
And pushed me where life lived ….
I followed you wid no thought in mind
But now when I look back
I realize following you without a thought
Make shy all those decisions that I took with my conscious awake….
Now I know why God sent u……
And pushed me where life lived ….

My life is what I let it be

It cant change
And I cant complain
And I cant cry too
Its too late for this life….
May be next life
I will be smarter enough
To know well what I want
And to say I cant
To what I don’t want
Its late for this life now

No point cribbing
No point sulking
Its late for this life
I know…

Life moves on and
Leaves us wid regrets
I was such a fool to not know
What to do
When life gave me the chance to choose
I left it back on destiny
Thinking that God would choose for me

Its late for this life now
Coz when I looked back I realized
God gives u opportunity to decide
But doesn’t decide for you
No point saying it all again
Coz I know and you know too
That its late for this life….

When I lost you..

When I lost u
Everyone said “….time heals it all”
n I trusted them all
Kept waiting 4 the time
To come n heel my wound
Life kept passing by n I kept waiting for the time
Standing there…long n thinking
that time wd heel it all
but the time never came
to heal my wound
n I still feel the pain
just the way I felt it when I lost u
why did I trusted them when they said “….time heels it all”
n kept living without u…
When I lost u…..

I wonder..

I wonder….
Is this world too big a place?
Though I don’t know the answer
But it’s the place where I lost him
And if I could loose him here
Am sure it must b a very big place……..
Will I never c him again?
Will I die wid all my questions answered?
Oh God…please limme know……
Limme know 4 once….
What went wrong between us
Why I had to go thru all this alone
Why I got stuck
Why cant I just take him out of my thoughts
I know he is not mine
And am not his either
My world has changed
but my heart still yearns to know
Why it happened to me….?
All that wait that I did….
All those tears that I shed
Was all that waste…meaningless….worthless….
If I ever get an answer
My soul would rest in peace…..
Will it ever happen to me…
I wonder…..

Miss him...

Why don’t I stop missing him…he wasn’t that special…..
Why cant I be free of his thoughts …he wasn’t that special…….
I made myself a slave of his thoughts…..Why, I ask myself??
When I know….he wasn’t that special….
He was love of my life….but its been some time
I have outgrown n things have changed….
But I cant be free of his thoughts still…Was he that special…….?
I have got my world to look after then why do I keep looking back…
He isn’t there….n he was never there….
It was just a thought which I thought we both shared…..
There was never a pinch of love
But I realized and realized it late……
He was never there n he wasn’t that special too…
I am sure I will believe what I just realized
one day……….

Dunno...

I don’t know where you are but I know you are there ……………in my prayers….

Loved and Lost..

I loved and I lost….
I am broken, shaken and wasted….
I miss you each day….
And I have noone to share my sorrow…
In me there is a big deep hollow…
I have no place to go and weep aloud….
Everywhere things kept moving around…
but I got stuck…where u left me….
Am I a looser…..
I ask myself….
It was your love that kept me going…
Now with you not around…everything looks meaningless…..
Every bit of it looks worthless…
And I know no happiness can bring that charm back in me....
Life’s just passing….
I wonder if I will ever see u again and if I will ever fall in love again….
I ask myself….
Why I had to live when you were gone…..
and why do I have to live now when I know you wont come back….
Life is moving, life will move….
But when I loved and I lost….
What stopped was my heart 
I miss you my love..…..
more and more with each passing day!!!!!!!

I sat to write..

I sat to write....all that I wanted to say......
to relieve myself of all the pain.....
but I couldn’t even write
even writing makes me feel guilty.....
makes me think...something's not right
but God, why cant I be myself....
just for once...let me be free....
I want to feel happy inside....
and want to be contented
and be free from all the pains.....
Now ......would that have to be end of this life.......

I think..

I often sit back n think...
about what I do...
about what I want to do....
about what I should do...
about what I cant do...
Not that I dont get my answers......
but my heart doesnt want to follow them
There are things which are so called 'right'
n things which are not so 'right'
Life allows us to choose at times...
but y do we always have to choose what is right
Why do we have to live in boundaries n follow social norm
Why do we need to pretent to be good, nice n warm
People expect us to fulfill their expectations
and in that race, we forget our share of reciprocations
and thats when I sit back n think
about what I do
about what I want to do
about what I should do
about what I cant do...!!!!
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